English, you absolute garbage of a language. How did we let this happen? Who decided that every other “-eat” word should follow the normal pronunciation pattern, but “sweat” gets to just go rogue like it’s above the rules? Who looked at “heat” and “treat” and then said, yeah, but this one is special?
Eat ?
Meat ?
Heat ?
Beat ?
Neat ?
Seat ?
Treat ?
Bleat ?
Cheat ?
Cleat ?
Wheat ?
Sweat ?
I have never fully forgiven English for this, and I have very personal reasons.
Back in high school, I was flirting with this girl in my class over AIM – because yes, I’m ancient – and I decided to call her “sweety” because I was smooth like that.
Her response?
“Lol what? Why are you calling me that?”
And cringe-me, oblivious to my mistake, doubled down with the absolute worst save attempt ever:
“Cuz ur cute.”
To which she responded: “Lol ooookay.”
I sat there, confused as hell, not realizing for a solid 24 hours that spell check didn’t exist yet and I was actually calling her ‘sweaty’ – like a perspiring pig – the entire time.
Nothing humbles a man like realizing he spent an entire conversation calling a girl wet with perspiration instead of… nvm.
Thanks, English. You piece of trash. ?
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